Accumulated Wisdom

As the sunshine slowly fades, leaving only beef, horse and the odd flu-ridden bird to satisfy the masses' craving for dead, reflections begin to work their way up to the surface of the stagnant, toxic pond that represents my mind in this metaphor. It's time for this world-weary illosopher to drop some accumulated wisdom to you my dear friends, my childrens, and bequeath to you the lessons that have been learned to me in this eastern experiment.

Lesson #1:
Nobody has invented a teleporter yet, which is possibly the biggest disappointment of my life, followed closely by the spectacular failure of my experiments to attach a lighthouse to Zoran's head. Think of how safe Singapore's waterways could have become had I succeeded. Instead, we are left with shipwreck after shipwreck, which is really destroying the property values in my residential neighbourhood. Ponder this, during a pals most intimate moment, for example, as Zorans puckered lips touch the quivering nipple of his tiny victim for the first time you could appear naked with bath enhanced tackle and wobble vigourously while going blurldlelurdle with your tongue like a turkey, then dissapear as quickly as you materialised! There is a limitless variety of things you could do in unexpected 3 second teleported bursts. Thats why Spok wears those ears! They crack his mates up every time.

Lesson #2:
The body is a temple. Unfortunately, as god doesn't exist, it is merely a structure built to manipulate the masses by appealing to their thirst for meaning and assuaging their fears of death. i say we destroy all temples, shrines, churches, mosques, synagogues, and bodies, thus liberating us from those hegemonic sites and the ideological power that they possess. without bodies, we would be free to truly experience life, and also drink as much Soju without fear of brain damage.

Lesson #3:
Fucking ladies is for puffs. This one is fairly self-explanatory.

Lesson #4:
Time is relative. This has become extraordinarily clear to me in recent months. For example, in the time that it takes you to eat your stone-grilled steak and veges accompanied by a chilled glass of riesling in a lovely little bistro, I will have extracted several gallons of bone marrow from the eyes of returned servicemen, gorged myself on polystyrene, taken apart some monkeys, tried to put them back together, given up and pushed them through the waste disposal unit, convinced some kids to throw up into each others stomachs, laughed while watching them, thrown up all over myself, laughed again, choked, choked someone else, bought some new pants and socks, tied them into a bundle and set them on fire, regretted it, become hungry, and eaten my own chin in Korea. yeah y'all, that's how i'm livin'